


Tag Your Porn

by jscribbles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas Reads Fanfic, Cas wears panties, Dean reads fanfic, Dean wears panties, Destiel Fic from Sam's POV, EllenOfOz, Fourth Wall, M/M, Panty Kink, Sam reads Fanfic, Secret Santa, dean/cas - Freeform, the boys browse AO3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 23:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jscribbles/pseuds/jscribbles
Summary: When Becky sends Sam some of EllenOfOz's fanfiction, he makes it his mission to use Destiel fanfiction to mortify Dean. But to his surprise, Cas seems intrigued by panties, Dean slowly becomes engrossed in fanfic, and what the hell are they doing cooped up in Dean's room for so goddamn long?Sam is scarred for life when he goes to find out exactly what they're up to.





	Tag Your Porn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EllenOfOz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenOfOz/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Undercover Angel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813951) by [EllenOfOz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenOfOz/pseuds/EllenOfOz). 



> Happy Holidays, Ellen. <3 Your fanfiction brings myself and so many people joy. I hope you enjoy this holly jolly actually-not-Holidays-related-fic and accept it as my Secret Santa gift for you. ;)
> 
> Keep writing that kinky shit, my pervy girl. A woman after my own heart.
> 
> Much thanks to MalMuses and son_of_a_bitch_supernatural for looking this over for me and being awesome as per usual.

Years ago, when Dean and Sam discovered the Supernatural books, they were revolted. Betrayed. Angry. Perplexed. Embarrassed—Dean was full frontal, after all.

Between the apocalypse, Leviathans, angels, demons, tablets, Metatrons, and Abaddons and all the -dons who lived to fuck up their lives, Dean and Sam hadn’t had time (or the desire) to worry about some dumb books. Sure, it sucked to have their entire lives broadcasted for the amusement of a small online cult following, but whether or not fans were drawing pictures of their dicks in each other’s mouths really wasn’t a pressing matter for the Winchesters.

Between Becky and high schoolers putting on plays about them, they’d actually almost forgotten about the fandom revolving around their lives.

That was, until one boring old Sunday morning, Becky emailed Sam. The email had nothing in it but a link. A link and a subject line that contained no words, but two very telling, very disturbing symbols:

“;)”

“Ah, shit,” Sam murmured, dragging his finger wearily over the trackpad of his laptop, scowling as he swirled the final dregs of his green smoothie in his cup. “What porn has Becky sent me this time? Like how many porn-look-alikes do I freakin’ have…”

Curious, he clicked.

To his surprise, he wasn’t greeted with a grunting, sweaty version of himself plowing into some man or woman (that looked suspiciously like Dean or Becky… Gross). The site that popped up was bright white with a burgundy banner and text. No cartoon or 3D aliens getting destroyed by a giant dick in the sidebar adverts. Actually, there was no advertising at all.

Sam muttered to himself, wondering what bullshit Becky was sending him now, as his eyes scanned the page.

_‘For Dream’s Sake’...’Bunker Files’...’Undercover Angel’…_

It only took a second for Sam to realise what Becky had sent him... Fanfiction. Specifically, Dean and Castiel slash fanfiction. 

Of course… Cas had been in the Supernatural books too. He’d been a character in that play they’d seen at the high school a while back. Hell, the teenagers had even come up with a Brangelina-type name for them. DeanCas? Dee-Stul? No.

Sam eyed the tags in front of him.

_Destiel._

Riiiight. Destiel.

As he scrolled back up, eyes scanning the tags with glee, his mouth twisted into a devious grin.

_Castiel/Dean Winchester._

_Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love._

_Anal sex. Blowjobs._

_Castiel in Panties._

Sam re-opened his email Becky had sent him and typed out a quick reply;

_“Becky, you are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you. Thank you so much.”_

Sam pressed send with gusto and reopened the website again, settling back in his chair. He tossed back the rest of his smoothie and placed it down with a cheery tap on the table top. Putting his feet up, he rested the laptop on his legs, thrumming with excitement.

He was gonna have material with which to mock and ridicule Dean with for the rest of their fucking lives.

***

Seven hours later, Sam had gone through eleven of EllenOfOz’s stories—or rather, fanfictions. That was what Becky had called them when she’d replied to his email.

_“Hi Sam! I thought you’d like to know that Dean falls in love with people other than you, Sam. Actually, Destiel is right up there in popularity with Wincest… I know Wincest bothers you, so I thought you might want to try Destiel instead! TRUST ME, Sam. Read EllenOfOz’s fanfiction. It’s the best ever. You won’t regret it.”_

Sam had opened up these stories with every intention of skimming them, screenshotting them, and plastering them all over Dean’s wall. They hadn’t pranked each other in quite some time and honestly, they were due. Dean was far too comfortable in the bunker, too complacent, and frankly, Sam couldn't have that. If Dean didn’t fear what had been replaced in his shampoo bottle, or be wary of his toothpaste, then Sam wasn’t doing his job right as a little brother.

What he didn’t expect was to quickly shift from skimming to deep reading. Becky was right; this author was totally nailing their characterizations.

Uh, he meant, their _personalities._ Shit, she was good. So good he’d completely forgotten he wasn’t a fictional character.

He found it almost unnerving how he could hear Cas and Dean’s voice in his head. Hell, even his own.

It only took about thirty-five minutes for Sam to stop screenshotting and copying passages to give to Dean entirely. Completely consumed, he’d forgotten about his prank as he fell into the stories. His attitude quickly shifted from ‘ha-ha-these-fans-don’t-know-me’ to ‘oh-shit-these-fans-are-genius’’.

Granted, he was still grossed out by imagining his brother having sex with anyone, so he skimmed those bits like he’d done in the Supernatural books. Dean was _really_ full-frontal in fanfiction, even more-so than in the books.

What was even more interesting was how full-frontal Cas was in these fanfictions. He, uh, was super, super full frontal. Like, he was gonna have a hard time looking Cas in the face after he’d accidentally read about him blowing Dean in the Impala. But he had to read the stuff to properly know what to come back and screenshot later, so he clicked on to another fic called _‘Undercover Angel’_. It was longer. Sam would never admit to anyone, but he was kind of digging this fanfiction.

Also, he saw the word ‘panties’ and was sold. He was thirty-minutes from a Victoria’s Secret and was planning on plastering lacy underwear all over Dean’s room. Hmmm, or maybe replacing all his boxers with thongs?

He hadn’t decided yet; he’d have to do some research first.

He clicked into the fanfiction.

***

Yes, the prank had cost him four-hundred dollars on a credit card that wasn’t his, and yes, the dude behind the counter at Kinko’s had given him weird looks, and yeah, the girl at Victoria’s Secret had gaped at him like he was a pervert, but it had been worth it.

Four hundred pages of fanfiction, sixty-eight pairs of underwear, two rolls of masking tape, and one garbage bag full of Dean’s underwear later, and the prank was complete.

Dean’s scream had been absolutely, one-hundred-and-fifty percent worth it. Sam had heard it from the kitchen, and smirked at his eggs, unable to read the news on his phone as the device trembled in his hand. His shoulders shook with laughter.

He nearly peed himself when he heard Cas’ voice, grumpy and groggy, asking Dean what was wrong. Sam could picture the former angel in his head, clear as day; unshaven, pissed-off-looking, dragging his feet out of his room, barely awake and grumpy.

Then he heard silence.

Sam hopped to his feet and strode towards Dean’s room, grinning and getting his phone ready. When he turned into Dean’s room, he pointed the camera at him, snapped a picture, and laughed.

“Dude,” Sam chortled, admiring the perfect shot he’d gotten of Dean staring at him with an unimpressed bitch-face, holding up a pair of panties from an open drawer. The drawer bulged with sixty-seven other pairs. “Did you know that Dean and Cas fanfiction exists?”

Cas tore a page from the wall to read it and made a choking noise when there was another one underneath it. He tore at that one too, and growled when instead of wallpaper, there was just another sheet of fanfiction.

“We hadn’t noticed,” Cas murmured, shooting Sam a scowl.

“What the fuck, Sam?” Dean barked, throwing the panties into his drawer. He tried to slam it, but about forty panties got in the way, resulting the most undramatic gesture of rage ever. Dean shoved at the drawer with his elbow as he growled through his teeth, “What the actual fu--”

“It’s called Destiel,” Sam went on, moving around the room to take pictures of his masterpiece. “I thought it was Dee-steel or Cas-Dean or Dean-Cas at first but--”

“Oh my god,” Dean cried out, giving up on trying to close the drawer. He yanked at the contents inside, throwing handfuls of panties onto the bed -- where, coincidentally Cas was sitting. Cas got approximately eight panties to the face.

“Shut the fuck up, Sam!” Dean threw his hands up in the air, staring around his room, at the walls and bed frame, and furniture completely covered in fanfiction. “What the hell is this!?”

He yanked a sheet of paper off his mirror and read out loud, “ _Sam was saying something about never having seen a ghost do that before, but Dean barely heard him over a roaring in his ears. Cas was wearing panties again!_ ”

“Cas was doing what?” Castiel asked flatly, blinking.

“Wearing panties,” Sam replied matter-of-factly, while at the same time Dean barked, “Not the freakin’ point, Cas!”

Cas stood and walked over to Dean, ripping the paper from his hands, reading the material very seriously, his mouth pursed into a little pout and his eyes narrowing as he scanned the words.

“Cas likes panties in fanfiction,” Sam explained calmly with a shrug, watching Dean turn his drawer upside down to rid it of the lace, rhinestone, and satin panty bonanza.

“Well--” Dean shoved the drawer back into its place, stumbling when it went in easily, “--Castiel-in-real-life does not!”

“I don’t?” Castiel asked, frowning. He peered over the page down to the panty-party happening all over the ground. “I haven’t tried them before, how would I kn--”

“NOT THE FREAKIN’ POINT, CAS!” Dean yelled, bending over to snatch up the underwear. As he gathered it in his arms, he ranted. “I can’t fucking believe you! Pranking me like this with no warning?! Party foul, you bitch! I can’t--I just--I--What the _hell?_ How long did it take you to write all this porn?”

“Oh,” Sam laughed, flopping down onto Dean’s bed, picking up a rogue pair of green panties and sling-shotting them at Dean’s face, “I didn’t write this. Ellen did.”

“Ellen?” Dean and Cas asked together.

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “Well, most of it. After I read her stuff, I was intrigued so I read some other fics too, but hers were the best, so--”

“Fics?” Cas asked with a head tilt.

“Who the fuck is Ellen?” Dean grumbled, shoving all the underwear into a duffle bag behind his door.

“She’s awesome,” Sam replied as he adjusted Dean’s pillows behind his head. “At first, I kinda thought it might be funny, but these fanfiction writers are kinda cool. They really put effort into their stuff, y’know? Like the dialogue _is us_ , they--”

“Shut the fuck up, Sam.”

Dean zipped up the duffle bag, seemingly relieved to get the panties out of sight, though he clapped a hand to his face when one lonely pair was being scrutinized by Cas, who had moved on from fanfic and was holding up the white satin and lace boy-shorts like they were a rare specimen.

“If you’re curious about panties, Cas, you should read Undercover Angel,” Sam suggested. He waved his hand over to Dean’s mirror and sink. “I think most of it is hanging around in that corner. Or I could send you the link--”

Dean stepped between them, shooting Cas a dirty look as Cas listened raptly. “No one is sending links, no one is reading Undercover Panties or whatever. We are all going to clean this fucking mess and I’m gonna burn this fucking bag.”

Sam sighed and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Nope. I spent two hours setting this up, I’m not tearing it down.”

“Well, screw you, then. Cas will help--” Dean turned to Cas and froze when Cas looked busy tearing down the pages by the sink, murmuring page numbers under his breath.

“Cas, put down the fanfiction.”

Cas resumed his task. “No.”

“Cas…”

“Sam will just send me the link.”

“NO ONE IS SENDING LINKS!”

Sam patted Dean on the shoulder as he passed him and winked at Cas. “I’ll send you the link, Cas.”

“Oh. All right.” Cas dropped all the papers in his hands, reducing Dean to a lump of frustration with his head in his hands. “I’ll just read it on the computer, then.”

Sam waited for Cas to walk past the frustrated lump before he added, “It has a sequel, and I mean, it’s pretty good so far. I was half-way through it before I had to run to the mall. It was closing at six and I didn’t wanna get stuck in rush hour traffic--”

As Cas and Sam turned into the hallway, behind them, Dean breathed weakly into his hands. “Oh my god, shut up, shut up, shut up. What is _happening!?_ ”

***

For someone who had acted like a traumatized little princess for days following Sam’s prank, Dean was sure hanging around with Cas a lot as Cas read through each and every one of EllenOfOz’s fanfictions.

“So dumb,” he grumbled as he read ‘ _Coffee, Tea, or Me?’_ “As if I even know how to work a frothing machine, am I right? _Stupid._ ”

Cuddling up deeper into a plush armchair with Sam’s tablet, Cas grunted, ignoring Dean, too deep into ‘ _For A Dream’s Sake’_ to listen to a word that he was saying.

The next day, Dean paced up and down the library table, a stack of pages in his hand. Sam flapped at a throw piece of paper, waving it away from his face. Dean read a second page and flung that one too, muttering under his breath.

“Pfffft…. As if I would _ever_ say that,” he grumbled.

“Say what?” Sam asked distractedly, two chapters into a gen case-fic he’d found on AO3.

Dean waved at the page, reading, “ _‘“You’ve got that blank, invasion of the body snatchers thing going on.’”_

Cas and Sam looked up from their fanfiction, both with a flat, unimpressed bitch face. Together, they said, “You said that last week.”

Dean mimicked them under his breath, “ _Meh, you said that last week, meh_. Whatever, losers.” He sighed, throwing another page over his shoulder. “I mean, it’s ridiculous, right? Like, no one has this much sex _ever_. I mean, I have a lot of sex, but this amount of sex is obscene. I—”

Sam sighed. “Dude, it’s just fun, okay? If you’re not into it, why are you still reading? Like, you can’t deny that these characters sound like us. It’s kinda neat to see that total strangers seem to, like, know us, y’know? I mean, if you wanna roll your eyes about something, the most ridiculous thing about all these stories is that you and Cas are in love.”

Sam went back to reading his fic. He missed the quick glance between Cas and Dean, and then their quick glances back down to the pages.

“Right.” Dean cleared his throat. “Ridiculous.”

He stopped mumbling and grumbling after that. They all read in silence.

***

Dean seemed to have given up all pretenses of being annoyed with the fanfiction. Two days later, he and Cas were both huddled in front of Dean’s laptop in the war room, both with their chins rested on their hands.

Sam watched them from the kitchen as he sliced up a cucumber, his lip twitching up into a smile.

“You done?” Dean asked, his face illuminated by the stark brightness of AO3. “Can I scroll now or what?”

Cas was silent for a second, blue eyes scanning the page, then he nodded. “Yes, you can scroll.”

The two fell back into silence, reading to themselves.

They were so cute, Sam thought, then he shook his head. He was reading too much fanfiction, it was starting to bleed into his real life. For a second there, he thought Dean and Cas were together. Stupid, though, he thought. Their lives weren’t an EllenOfOz fic; Dean and Cas weren’t in love. They didn’t give each other blow jobs in the car, Dean didn’t have a kink for grace, neither of them had a thing for panties, and they weren’t madly in love with each other.

Sam glanced back up at the two men sitting in the warm room. His hand stilled. He watched them, their knees brushing under the table, Dean’s hand accidentally brushing Cas’ as they both reached to scroll the page.

… no, no, no, they weren’t in love. Sam shook his head, trying to clear it again. _Pull yourself together, Sam. Reality is not fanfiction._

 _Still,_ he thought, glancing up again. Dean and Cas sat back, clearly having finished a chapter, and they were staring at each other. _Coulda fooled me._

_***_

“You should really read it,” Cas’ voice was quiet as it floated from Dean’s room. “It’s...intriguing.”

“I mean, I dunno, Cas…”

“I found it very educational.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhmn. Inspired, I daresay.”

There was a pause. “Well, if it got you all inspired, I guess I can read it. But just one more, okay? We got real shit to do.”

“I received matching merchandise.”

“...what does that mean?”

“Well, I left a comment that she enjoyed, so she sent me merchandise.”

Eavesdropping from the hallway as he passed by, Sam didn't know exactly what they were talking about, but he had a suspicion. Dean and Cas had been cooped in Dean’s room for the entire day, and he hadn’t seen his tablet in hours. Clearly, they were reading Destiel. Again.

It had been funny at first, and then interesting, but now Sam was stumped as to why Dean and Cas were so fixated on Ellen’s fanfics; for two straight dudes, they sure seemed infatuated with these stories where they sucked each other’s dicks a whole heck of a lot.

“What are you guys doing?” Sam called out, pausing before he turned into his room.

There was a silence.

“Are you guys reading Ellen’s fics again?”

“Shut up, Sam. Go away.”

“Guys, it’s been almost a week.”

He heard the bed creak, then Dean’s footsteps. Before the door slammed closed, Dean barked, “You started this, dickwad!”

Once the door rattled in its frame, Sam smirked and walked into his room.

***

Okay. This was ridiculous.

It had been ha-ha funny that Dean and Cas were cooped up in Dean’s room reading fake-stories about their fake-selves having fake-sex and being in-fake-love, but now it was weird. It was completely silent in there and that was quite ha-ha-peculiar.

Sam was bored. And lonely. And he wasn’t about to go do research on his own when it was more tempting to go read AU fics where his life might’ve turned out differently. If he had to leave fanfic-land to go do boring real-life stuff, he was gonna drag his brother and friend with him. Misery loved company.

“Guys?” Sam called out, but was met with nothing. He scowled, then sighed and walked over to Dean’s bedroom door.

From inside, he heard low conversation and couldn't make out the words. His scowl deepened. They weren’t reading fic anymore, so he sure as hell didn’t have sympathy for interrupting them now. There was Heaven and Hell to worry about, hangouts could happen later.

Sam pushed open the door. “All right, all right, Destiel, enough of the fanfic tropes, I’m not third-wheeling this research session—OH MY GOD.”

Cas froze, teeth still firmly clasped around the hem of some lime green panties.

...Lime green panties that were sitting tightly on Dean’s hips, barely covering his ass. They were satin. They had lace around the bottom.

They had ‘ _Ellen of Oz’_ written on the ass.

Sam was gonna throw up. He cried out, “Holy CRAP! What are you two _doing_?! MY EYES.”

“Dude, _could you knock?!”_ Dean yelped, twisting around. He looked mortified.

Cas still managed to scowl with satin between his teeth. He made no effort to move, still kneeled down by Dean’s feet, _also wearing a pair of lacy boyshort panties, what the hell._

“Hello, Sam,” he said, words muffled by the mouthful of Sam’s fucking brother’s underwear in his mouth.

“I’m scarred,” Sam whimpered, clasping his hands to his eyes and turning away. “I’m fucking scarred for life.”

“GET OUT, SAM.”

“It was just fanfiction, it was just fanfiction,” Sam muttered like a mantra. “This is not real life.”

“Destiel is real, fuckface,” Dean barked from behind him. “Now fuck off!”

Sam spun around and threw them a bitch face summoned from the depths of Hell. He grasped the door handle and spat, “Tag your fucking porn! _Jesus Christ_!”

He slammed the door behind him and stormed down the hallway, back towards his room. He dropped down onto his bed and yanked his laptop onto his thighs, opening the contraption with vigor.

Fingers tapping aggressively on the keys, he opened up AO3 and went right to the comment section of ‘ _Undercover Angel’._

He had some words for EllenOfOz.

Sucking in a breath, Sam sighed, calming down. After a few moments, he found his zen, and left his comment:

_“Dean and Cas deserve happiness, don’t they? Even if it means they scar Sam for life with their weird panty thing. I’ll never be able to look at green underwear the same way ever again._

_So, thanks for sharing, Ellen._

_You’re the best._

_-S”_

**Author's Note:**

> Ellen does not sell cute underwear, alas. But she does write amazing fic. All fics mentioned in this fic can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenOfOz


End file.
